Man Flu

[Daryl]

The grim and disturbing truth about Man-Flu Having been near paralysed with a devastating bout of Man-Flu this week, and receiving precisely no sympathy from any of my female colleagues, I've decided it's time to dispel the myths about this terrible affliction that smug women everywhere seem all too eager to believe.

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*. *(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' - which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.

4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it.

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.

8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.

10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just laying around enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that watching football on the TV has remarkable soothing powers. Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together.

[Merlin]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE

[suelipscomb]

Another very nasty side effect of this dreadful disease is that some men who are afflicted by this in fact go beserk whilst trying to use the computer.

It has been medically proven (lipscomb and hound)et al that it is just best to lie down quietly in a darkened room and give the poor woman in their lives some peace from the constant wittering on about cups of tea, which I must also add is very bad for this condition.
Water is by far the best to give the poor souls, preferably in a bucket by the side of the bed (so we don't have to think about have we given them enough to drink) whilst watching our fav. programme on TV.

Much better to have the caring woman post dry scraps of bread under the bedroom door every now and then (after all she has to protect her male children, who are of course also prone to this absolutely dispicable disease). The fairer sex (no that does'nt just mean blondes Darren) are by far the best of the sexes to deal with the problem, as long as they have plenty of time to themselves to carry out the very important job of chatting to their friends for hours on the phone, without being interrupted by the above said dying duck.

Oh one last, but very important point ladies, lock the poor man in the bedroom, in case he were to get out and spoil your nice quiet evening!

Signed F. Bird (well some kind of bird anyway, think it could be an owl, men will insist in giving rather silly presents to Nurses don't they, whatever happened to the good old bunch of roses)!

[Darren]

I thought roses came in boxes or tins.

[suelipscomb]

the comment I was going to put may have been seen as a bit too grave??? so I will just make do with, no they grow on you

[niki]

I thought roses came in boxes or tins.

You are quite correct Darren those are the best kind but don't last as long as the flowers in my experience

[mandy & sakari]

Well all i can say is:

I`m soooooooooooooooo glad i`m a women.

cause you men are worth a good when you are ill.Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm