Favorite Emails That Need Sharing!!!

[Mojo]

In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England
> and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and
> I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of
> every living thing along with a few good humans.' He gave Noah the CAD
> drawings, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start
> the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
>
> 'Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard-
> but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
> Ark ?' 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed
> Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade
> about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should
> have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden
> because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a
> temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State
> for a decision. Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted
> for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions
> to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the
> sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
> Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
> Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific
> Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince
> the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
> When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
> that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
> accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
> many animals in a confined space. Then the County Council, the Environment
> Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
> they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
> Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my
> building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I
> have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience. To make
> matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm
> trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive
> me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. '
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean
> you're not going to destroy the world?'
>
> 'No!' said the Lord. 'The Labour Government beat me to it.'

[Mojo]

Old Age, I decided, is a gift


I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.


I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.


I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?


I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.


I will wal k the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set .
They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've ev en earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

[Mojo]

It's worth the read and a good giggle

It's a good laugh and if nothing else, it'll make you smile

[Joe]

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was
' DON'T !'

'Don't what ? '
Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'
God said.

'Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! '

' No Way! '
'Yes way ! '

'Do NOT eat the fruit ! '
said God.

'Why ? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants

A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked !
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? '
God asked.

'Uh huh,' Adam replied.

'Then why did you ? ' said the Father.

'I don't know,' said Eve.
'She started it! ' Adam said.

'Did not ! '
'Did too ! '
'DID NOT ! '

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

[Merlin]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm_ihMXfDNM&NR=1

[Mojo]

For everyone who helped me.
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced Tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter 'Don't forget your Sisters, she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.

'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are>still going to need Sisters.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.' 'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just got married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mum really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life. After more than 50 years of Living in this world, here is what I've learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are Between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

. Short and very sweet:
There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.

[Mojo]

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant..
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my Darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again..

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..the husband became 92 years Old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful b******s should remember

Fairies are female.....

[wrinklypear]

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....
Please scroll down ..

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.

[Merlin]

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
Elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But
I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion. Dad she's pregnant. Stacy
said that We will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack Of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for
ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for
cocaine. In the meantime we will pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to
know your grandchildren.



Love,
your son John



PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
report card. That's in my top desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.